Hear and Back Again: A Deaf Girl's Tale
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Sunday, March 8, 2009
Ok, how ridiculously used to living with my CI am I? I almost jumped in the pool with it on!!! I recently joined Bally's in order to swim, one of my favorite activities and one I decided I just can't wait for June to do again. (By the way, other hearing related stories connected to the gym will come - the music pumping in the locker room, anyone?) Anyway, one day a couple weeks ago, I changed in the locker room, put all my clothes in my locker and walked to the pool area with the the only things I should have - towel and goggles. And oops, still wearing my CI. I am just so used to hearing things now, I guess my brain did not register the fact that I should NOT be hearing the music as I walked through the locker room and NOT be hearing the swimmers splashing in the water. Thank goodness there was not a free swimming lane, because I probably would have jumped right in. But I stood there near the pool for at least five minutes until it occurred to me that I was hearing things. I wonderingly put my hand up to my head and indeed, felt the headpiece stuck there! I started laughing and walked right back into the locker room. I wonder if the other people in the pool area just thought I was very impatient, or perhaps insane, since I was giggling at a joke only I understood.
And... I did this again last week. This time, though, I had only stepped out the door to the pool area before I realized I had forgotten to take off the CI, and was on my way back to the lockers once again.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
I have not written in this blog for nine months; after 3+ years of life with the CI, the multitude of daily discoveries has ceased. But that does not mean there are NO discoveries, and it certainly does not mean that I ever take my miracle for granted.
Last week, we had two representatives from the Cochlear company do a training at my work. Most of the young students with cochlear implants have the same model as me, the Nucleus Freedom. So a lot of the training was not news to me, I already know how the thing in and on my head functions. Or do I?
The representative was discussing the internal and external alert systems (for young kids, the CI can be set so lights flash to alert their caregivers of problems.) About the internal alerts, she said, "so, if you have four programs in your processor, you hear one beep for P1, two beeps for P2, three beeps for P3 and four beeps for P4." And I internally went, HUH??? I immediately started pushing the button to cycle through my programs and clear as day, there were the correct number of beeps. Up until the moment she provided me with this revelation, I always thought that it was the same tone for all four programs, just a tone to let me know I was switching to a new program. How in the world I had missed this clear beeping system, I don't know! The whole point is that you don't have to take your processor off your head to tell which program you're on. For three years, that's exactly what I've done - or I just counted if I was changing from my primary P1. This new information absolutely blew my mind last week! But I remember that when I first had the CI, I was not even aware of the warning tone that told me that my batteries would die, and then once I starting hearing it, it took a while before I understood it. So I guess there can be new discoveries for a long time!
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Anyone who knows me is aware of my past life of black nail polish, purple Doc Martens and going to see every "alternative" band I possibly could, any time I possibly could. And all of those who knew me before I lost my hearing at 17 remember I was an insanely obsessive fan of The Cure. In the Spring of 1990, when I was a seventh grader, my friends Jen and Angie introduced me to The Cure at a birthday sleepover. They played the album Disintegration and basically changed my life. At that point, I was into Guns and Roses and Skid Row! The Cure sounded like nothing I'd ever heard before, and put me on a completely new path with a new soundtrack.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
On Tuesday, July 24th, I went to the movies and saw Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix... again. (I am not going into my obsessive behaviors in this blog, don't worry!) I had seen it the first time on opening weekend with the rear window captioning system. To use this system, I place a small screen in front of me (on an adjustable arm that either plugs into the cup holder or screws onto the arm of the chair) and the words are beamed from the back wall through the screen, so I can read red text on the movie screen. This is only offered at select theaters that have the technology, and often you must wait and keep your fingers crossed that they'll show the movie you want to see. There was nowhere in PA that was showing Harry, so I actually traveled almost 2 hours to a theater in central NJ and met up with my best friend, who lives in north NJ. An awesome Harry road trip it was, but I am starting to describe my excessive love of Harry and that was not my point.
For my second viewing, I saw Order of the Phoenix with my sister. The movie still was not being shown with captions anywhere in PA. So, we just chose to go to a local theater and I thought I'd give their assistive listening device a try. The technology they offered was an amplified headset, with a volume I could control. It worked for me much better than I expected it to. I could hear it so-so by simply placing the headphones on my ears and pushing the left side back a little bit to position it over the microphones on my CI processor. (Obviously, the right side was doing absolutely nothing for me!) Then I tried activating my T-switch function and it made the sound through the headset much clearer. I did not understand every single word spoken in the movie, but I think I got about 75-80%, even when I could not see the actors lips. How very British they all are became abundantly and wonderfully clear to me. That Alan Rickman has one of the sexiest voices ever.
I will need to try this technology with a movie I had not already seen, or knew the plot of so well. I still prefer captions so I do not miss a thing, but since they are few and far between, it's nice to know that there are more workable options available to me.
Friday, May 4, 2007
Recently several deaf and cochlear implant issues have popped up on TV. (Well, kind of recently, as I let things sit in my DVR for a bit and then finally get around to watching them... then take even longer to write about them here!) Cochlear implants were major plot points on episodes of both Law and Order: Criminal Intent and Scrubs. Then there was the very interesting documentary, Through Deaf Eyes.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
In the year and a half since I got the implant, it never really occurred to me to look at music videos. Since we got digital cable, Jeff has started watching channel 250, The Tube. I have watched it a little when he has it on. They play a lot of videos of songs that I remember - I've seen Peter Gabriel, Tom Petty, The Eurythmics. (Apparently channels like this are very necessary since MTV doesn't even play music videos anymore!) Still, looking at videos was just a random thing when Jeff was doing it, and I never thought of seeking out videos to watch on my own.
About a week ago, I was perusing the official Johnny Cash website, and was looking at DVDs for sale. One blurb described the "Hurt" video as the best video of all time. I love that song, but I just figured this is the Cash website, of course they're gonna say that. I don't remember why I mentioned this to Jeff a few days later, but he immediately responded that it may very well be the best video ever. My husband is not an emotional person at all; I can count on one hand the times I have seen him cry in 10 years. He told me he wanted to weep like a little girl watching that video. I was very surprised and told him I wanted to see it. Again, sometimes things like this just don't occur to me, but it took all of less than a minute to find it on YouTube.com. The Johnny website was not kidding and neither was Jeff! The video was extremely affecting, beautiful and heartbreaking. Johnny is fragile and he's old, but he still has such power to him. He did so many amazing renditions of other bands' songs in his last years, and "Hurt" is probably the best.
My only experiences with watching things online are Comcast's The Fan to see short news stories, and watching Heroes on nbc.com. Now I have started to think about the many many things I could be watching that are so readily available. Technology continues to amaze me - the kind in my head and the kinds that the thing in my head lets me enjoy now!
Monday, April 16, 2007
I am over the rainbow, over the moon, in love with my baby sister. Yesterday, I (and all my immediate family, plus some extended family) attended my sister Bonnie's senior recital at her college. Since she is a Music major, she was required to do a solo recital - it was 10 songs, and three not in English. It was very exciting for her, and for me because I am so darn proud of her and I love the chance to hear her sing.
The last song in the program was listed only as "a special dedicated piece." When Bonnie started her speech about this special person who the song was for, it took me a minute to realize she was talking about ME. She told everyone there how this person had been to absolutely every play and recital she'd ever done, sitting in the front row, jumping up and yelling the loudest. She then went on to explain how I had attended all these performances without being able to hear any of them, and how I now had a cochlear implant and can hear her voice. She recounted a conversation when I had told Bonnie that if I could ever hear her sing, I wanted her to sing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" for me. And so she did! I, of course, had meant just for her to sing it for me sometime, not to dedicate a song for me in front of lots of people! Bonnie even said in her speech, "I know she's thinking, 'this recital is about you, not me, what are you doing dedicating a song to me?!?" Ah, how well sisters do know each other.
But I am very grateful for the gift. It was so touching, so wonderful, so beautiful. A million times thank you to my lovely baby sister, who is definitely not a baby anymore.
Thursday, March 8, 2007
One of my teacher's aides, Janette, grew up in Puerto Rico and she has started to teach me Spanish. I have always been interested in other languages. I took four years of French in high school - three when I had hearing and the fourth when I was deaf. By the way, I graduated high school with the highest grade in French, thank you very much, but I digress. Since I got the implant, I've thought about relearning French and even borrowed my sister's text book, but Spanish learned from a native user is easier and more useful. If I could even say a little bit to the Spanish speaking parents of my students, that would be really nice.
We have just begun my "Spanish lessons," which consist of me asking "how do you say this? how do you say that?" It is really exciting because I can hear and repeat the words that Janette says to me. It feels like a real accomplishment that I can gather the sounds together in my ear and be able to pronounce them on my own. I know that I am not falling back on lipreading or context of the conversation because I don't know what the heck she is going to say to me. Sometimes Janette needs to write out the phrase for me, and often I need her to repeat it a few times, and then I will mispronounce it a few times before she says "That's it! You got it!"
I am looking forward to tomorrow morning when I can greet my other Spanish speaking friend Ivy with "Buenos dias, como estas?" I know that's not too impressive, but it's a start and I am excited to tell her about my lessons.
Thursday, March 1, 2007
As I suspected, the journey to bilateral life will not be smooth. A second implant is a non-covered procedure per my insurance. The husband and I are gathering information in order to start the appeal process. One of his co-workers does medical billing and quite nicely volunteered to help us with some codes and so forth. It could be months before anything exciting happens, but I know many people go through this, so I am not worried. I think it will eventually happen, and until then my one bionic ear is still awesome.
I am honestly not upset, but isn't it odd (not sure if that is the right word) that two ears are not considered medically necessary? If I walked up and chopped one of someone's ears off, I think they would beg to differ.
Ah well, c'est la vie.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Well, if you were wondering if the Nucleus Freedom truly is water resistant, I have just conducted a "test." 10 minutes ago, I dropped my entire processor and headpiece straight into the toilet. Yes, that was an astounding OOPS. I grabbed it right out again and wiped it off on a towel. Terrified, I pushed the power button and the display was normal. Gingerly, I touched it to my head and everything sounded normal. Now it's in the Dry and Store box and should come through OK. Oh my goodness, I will never be that careless again. But thank you, Cochlear, for your water resistant idea! And thank you, toilet, for being clean and unused at the time of my test!
Monday, February 19, 2007
I have officially embarked on the road to becoming a bilateral CI user. I have been kicking around the idea of surgery on my other ear for many months, but now I have actually taken the first steps in the process.
Last month, I met with a bilateral CI-user to talk about her experiences. I had met this woman last year in the supermarket. I actually bumped into her in the supermarket twice, the first time about a week after her first CI surgery, and the second time about a week after her second CI surgery! She has the same doctor and audiologists as me, so I contacted her when I started to seriously think about surgery for my right ear. Of course we met up in the cafe section of the supermarket.
She really convinced me that two ears are better than one. She says that music sounds richer, that she can tell where sound is coming from more easily, and that she has more success in noisy situations. That's three big checks in the plus column in my opinion. She explained to me that one CI was wonderful and that she understood speech and many sounds like I do, but with the second implant, everything sounded "the way it was supposed to sound," like the hearing was now complete. She actually doesn't even think about her hearing issues very much anymore, because she is so comfortable with her hearing and auditory input as the way of life. She feels that she hears as well as naturally hearing people do. ( Read more... )
Saturday, February 17, 2007
On February 1st and 2nd, my work had two professional development days. There's no students and lots of listening and learning for the staff. It can become exhausting and sometimes I almost wish the kids would come back to speed my day along. The one thing that makes me happy is wearing high heels and nice pants, something that a pre-school teacher does not experience on a daily basis!
The last workshop on Friday was optional. It was about using music with young children and was being given by the teacher of the music program that some of our hearing and hard of hearing students will soon start attending. I thought it would be interesting to go because maybe I will teach more aural students in the future and maybe I could watch and think of ways to adapt activities for my current students (they are all deaf, but they enjoy banging away on the few percussion instruments that I have.)
Warning: behind this cut is where I get frustrated and grumpy. So if you dare, ( Read more... )
I've started going to my public library on Saturdays to read my textbook for the college class I am taking. This is the public library where I worked in high school and college, but they have since renovated it and it's so much nicer... except for neon signs marking everything from "reference" to "bathroom", which is a little weird in a library. Anyway, once I get past saying hello to the people who remember me from working there, I get to be alone.
The first time I went, the quiet study room was full of people, so I just plunked down at a regular table in a corner of the main room. It turned out I liked that better. I like the public library because it's quiet, but it's not silent. My mom asked why I don't use the library at the college where I am taking a class. Part time grad students only have parking permits for after 4:00, when most of our classes are scheduled, so that is inconvenient. It's weird to call myself a grad student; I guess that's what I am once again, but I never think of it that way because this third time in school is an extra venture for me. But I also choose the public library because the college library is just too quiet. In the public library, people are walking back and forth, and I can peek at which CDs they are browsing in the bins next to my table and so on and so forth. I need just a little distraction and action to keep things interesting.
However, if people sit down at the table next to me and start conversing for a sustained period of time, even in hushed library tones, I can't concentrate on my reading as well. I lost my hearing when I was 17, remember, so all through my undergrad and grad years, I could focus on my reading without auditory distraction (I had plenty of other self-selected distractions, believe me!) So when this woman started quietly tutoring a high schooler in algebra at the table next to me, I did the only sensible thing. I pulled my processor off my head and sat it on the table. Instant mute button. There definitely are some advantages to choosing when and where I want to hear things!
Thursday, February 1, 2007
On Monday night, my mom and I saw "Dreamgirls" with open captions. I enjoyed it so much. It was fabulous to hear what was going on in a movie theater, though I still need the captions to aid my focus and catch every last word. And what a movie to see while practicing my listening skills. I've been reading for months about Jennifer Hudson's show stopper "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going." Whoa, now I understand what all the hoopla was about. And I didn't know anything about Beyonce except lots of people think she's sexy, but her voice is amazing, too, especially on the song "Listen." I love women who belt it out like that! I downloaded the whole soundtrack and have been jamming with my MP3 player.
Which of the five senses is supposed to bring about the strongest emotional response? I believe it's sense of smell that can strongly trigger memory. Well, I have been experiencing a lot of emotions through my 13 month old bionic sense of hearing. It's music again. Hearing certain songs really puts me in mind of certain times in my life, especially certain high school memories.
Recently, a song conjured up a strong emotional connection in my mind, but not to a specific memory of hearing that song. I had copied a couple of my younger brother's CDs, including "Ten" by Pearl Jam. Freshman year in high school, baby! But one song on that album, "Alive," doesn't make me think of high school. It makes me think of my beloved friend Lauren who died in October 2005. Lauren had a real passion for Pearl Jam, and I thought that was funny when we were in graduate school together. I thought of that band only in terms of my youthful plaid flannel wearing self. When I was listening to the song the other day, I thought so strongly of Lauren and then also remembered that the song had run through my head all the day of her funeral. I don't really know why, because the song is dark and has nothing to do with Lauren. It was probably the simple connection of "alive" and "death" in my head. Whatever the reason, I welcome another way to think about Lauren, just like I think about her when I think about cookies being sold three for a dollar, "The Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe, and cozy hippie sweaters.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
I am at the point now where sound and auditory input are the way of life for me. That is not to say I can't handle being in my natural state, because Saturday mornings I still putter around the house a while on my own without putting on the processor. I go about my business in silence and there is nothing weird about it. But I am constantly noticing my dependence on the CI. ( Read more... )
My friend had a baby boy on Monday and I was able to visit her in the hospital yesterday. It doesn't matter how many babies I meet, newborns are still astounding. Seven pounds is a teeny tiny person! I was lucky enough to hold him and see his beautiful blue eyes. I also heard the noises he was making, which really surprised my friends. I was told they were quiet soft noises. It was like he was squeaking or mewling! His mother said he sounds like a cat! It was such an unbelievably wonderful experience for me.
I can't remember if I ever mentioned it on this blog, but one of the top reasons I decided to have the CI surgery is that I wanted to give myself the chance of hearing my own children someday. I thought of this more in terms of communication with them, involvement with their teachers, friends' parents and so forth. I didn't want my deafness to cause a roadblock in my life with (most likely) hearing children. Now I am amazed and gratified to know that I will be able to hear sweet baby cooing (or meow-ing or whatever it is!) from the very beginning. This is a lot of thought I am putting into still hypothetical children, so I will stop now!
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Today is December 27th. It is exactly one year since my cochlear implant was activated and this amazing year began. It doesn't feel like it's been a year yet. I still experience daily amazements, still find certain occurrences so astounding that I've been able to write this blog for a whole year. That is good, because I never ever want to take this miracle for granted. I do consider it a miracle, and I've been thankful for it every day for 365 days.
On December 18th, I had my one year post implant audiology appointment. I drove downtown on my way to the hospital, just smiling, enjoying the Christmas CDs I had borrowed from my mom. It was nice to see my audiologist Jennifer again. I love how she was the audiologist that was there and so nice to me when I was losing my hearing in 1994, and she is here again to see my adventures come almost full circle. ( Read more... )
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
The second topic as I try to remember and describe the last two month's adventures in hearing is the ever necessary MUSICAL UPDATE.
I bought tickets to see McCoy Tyner at the Kimmel Center for Jeff's birthday. That was a really good experience. We never get dressed up to go out, so that was exciting in itself. Yay, Jeff in a tie!!! I'd also never been inside the Kimmel Center before and it's beautiful and impressive. We had seventh row seats in the Verizon Hall so I could clearly see everything that was happening on stage. The opening act needed to cancel for some reason, and was replaced with Regina Carter and her quintet. I am so glad that happened because I really enjoyed the music. Regina Carter is a violinist and I seem to take to that instrument. It is so pretty and versatile. I embarrass myself with my inability to adequately describe music and my feelings about it. The whole performance was just... a good groove? I really liked it. So much that Jeff bought me her latest CD for Christmas and I just listened to it this morning. ( Read more... )
I am back to blogging after an almost two month absence. I have been so crazy busy with working and going to school that there's been no time to write. Now I am on the blissful "10 day weekend" that teachers cherish and have time to breathe and think again. I will need to mush together different events on similar themes because I cannot remember the last two months in chronological order, and it would take forever to try and untangle it all.
So, my first entry shall focus on GROUPS OF PEOPLE. ( Read more... )
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